week 21: everything is temporary

this week on the little dream farm

We tucked Miss Penny in Saturday night (she’s our oldest and only original hen we acquired from David from back when we bought the farm) not knowing if we’ll get the chance to greet her in the morning.

There’s a particular sadness in saying goodbye to her…not only because we love her and we’ve loved all the time we’ve had with her, but it’s like another piece of the farm’s original magic is slipping from our grasp.

I’ve been trying to find the words these last few Farm Notes to express the feeling going into this growing season.

I guess the best way I can think to describe it is like we’re going through a case of the terrible twos (we’re coming up on two years and eight months on the farm).

There’s not a whole lot that’s really “new” anymore and yet in some ways we feel like we’ve not yet even settled in.

Losing the LDF cows this year was tougher for me than I think I’ve let on. When the relationship with our farmer went sour, the next right move became very clear, even if it was and is hard.

Words of my mom’s I’ve lived by almost all of my life is, “The hardest decision you’ll ever have to make is the one that is best for you.”

And while that came with a severed relationship with a friend and neighbor, having to pay significantly more in taxes due to losing our farm exemption, having to buy in hay at high prices, and having to spend more in mowing to make up for the cows not grazing, ultimately, it is still for the best, even if it hurts our hearts and our wallets.

Something Chris and I have been talking about lately is this the following concept:

Hard decisions, easy life.
Easy decisions, hard life.

In essence, when you make the difficult decisions, life gets easier to live with those tough, but good choices. On the other hand, when we take the easy way out, even when we know it’s not best for us, or puts off making a tough decision we’ll likely have to inevitably make, things are invariably harder down the road.

I’ve avoided this topic at the risk of coming off like we’re complaining or ungrateful or taking what we have for granted. But we’ve shared with you all of the highs and certainly some of the lows of our life and journey here on the farm, it only feels fitting to make mention of this phase we’re finding ourselves in.

I use the term “phase” because like the title mentions, everything is temporary. That was front of my mind this weekend while Chris and I spent time with my brother, sister-in-law, my two nephews, and my mom visiting from out of town. My precious little nephews are only an infant and a toddler in this short and what feels like it’ll surely be a flash of time, the way the weeks and months go by!

I suppose you could say we’re finding ourselves in a period of growing pains.

There are upgrades we’re feeling are necessary to make to the house in order for us to stay that we know we don’t want to make the investment in.

Building a home, something we’d considered when we bought the farm, feels totally out of reach with current prices and it proving to be hard to find a contractor in this area who could even entertain starting in the next 18-24 months.

Fifty-eight acres is a lot of farm to upkeep when the pastures aren’t being used for grazing and haying, and need mowing to be maintained.

My health has required me to slow down a quite a bit in terms of how hard we push ourselves and how much we take on…perhaps the most frustrating of all.

While it’d be so much fun to learn to raise sheep and goats and have a dairy cow and more breeds of chickens and geese and ducks, we know that taking on more animals is not the right fit for us after experiencing what it takes to keep them.

We explored flowers, and while the Cut Flower Patch was a total dream and one of my most favorite challenges I’ve ever taken on, it showed me that flower farming is not in our future.

We’ve explored sustainability and conservation only to learn that those hefty investments, without actively farming the land, don’t make very much sense both logistically or financially.

Personally, I’ve been frustrated and a little disheartened about these things, but I’m trying to let up on that—we knew when we bought this farm that our plan was to figure it out as we go, and certainly we’re still doing that.

Chris, on the other hand, has pretty much made peace with these unfoldings and is happy just simply to live here and do what’s required to maintain the farm the way we feel is necessary to keep in even better condition than we found it. That hasn’t changed for either of us—wanting to steward this farm and this land in the very best way we know (and are constantly learning) how.

So sometimes, while we’re on long drives like we were this weekend, four hours each way back and forth to Allentown in a day, or out on any one of our weekend adventures in the area, we talk about what this farm is for us in this current season and in the seasons to come.

Perhaps we find another farmer and reinstate our farm exemption. Perhaps that relationship is more closely aligned with our values.

Perhaps we find an aspiring farmer who wants to graze cattle or or make hay/straw or grow a market garden or become a flower farmer who could use our land.

Or perhaps we simply call this farm home and enjoy all the gifts it affords us simply by loving it and caring for it like we love and care for all the living creatures in our life.

I’m reminded of David’s wisdom and his charge to me when we first bought the farm: listen, and allow the answers to come.

The real wisdom in his words, as I’ve found is true in almost every instance in life, is that the answers don’t come when you—when we—think they should. They come when we’re most ready to receive them.

Maybe what feels like growing pains to us is the farm’s way of saying, “Not that way. No, not that either. Not that one, too. This way. Now a little more this way. Now a little further, still.”

I find rest in knowing we don’t have to figure any of this out right this moment…that we can remain open to the ebb and flow of the way things are changing and unfolding for us…and that we can make room for even better things to come along than we may even have been able to anticipate for ourselves.

That leads me right into my Words of the Week this week…

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Everything is temporary.
May we not miss the magic of the moment
While the magic is right here in front of us.

In the garden:

1. This is the landscape fabric I use for the Cut Flower Patch, but even if you’re gardening on a small scale and want to put down a weed barrier, this stuff is gold for that and much better than the flimsy stuff you find at your gardening center with the felt on the back of it that the weeds inevitably grow through. You want to look for a heavier weight—in this case this one is 5.8 oz and resembles the stuff that nurseries and greenhouses use on the greenhouse floor and around their display areas to reduce weeds. Feel free to ping me and ask me questions about your personal setup if needed!

2. Never thought I’d have a “favorite shovel” in my life, but here we are. This digging shovel is where it’s at—I use it for every.single.hole I’ve dug on this farm and have it at the ready today to plant out our fruit and veggie garden and some of the dahlias. Need your favorite shovel? I’ve got you!

3. I don’t go anywhere outside this time of year without my trusty gardening fanny pack. This is the one I picked, because it’s roomy enough to hold gloves, a pair of pruners, my phone, bug spray, and plenty of other odds and ends I find myself stuffing in there, without it being too big.

4. If you’ve got a lot of yard and are in need of a new string trimmer, let it be this one. We’re so happy with the series of Ego products we have, and this string trimmer gets through the toughest of jobs I give it!

*Note: Not all, but some of these links are affiliate links. That’s no matter to you, as it costs you nothing. However, if you make a purchase, we -may- receive a teeny weeny commission.

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