I’m sorry you are going through all this. I get it. Probably a lot of not most people get it. And I don’t know what else to do but keep going on. I spend a lot of moments just saying “X thing isn’t happening RIGHT NOW so just let it go.” Especially because it’s always something I have zero control over but will be pretty devastating. What else can we do?
Such profound words, Sarah. Your thoughts and actions remind me of the Serenity Prayer, you know the one…”God (or Universe), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You’ve been surrendering the things out of your control, harnessing your wisdom to address the things you can, and finding some serenity as a result. Brava. (And more hugs)
Thank you Valerie. It’s difficult to explain without a lot of backstory and context and maybe at some point I’ll share all that somewhere, but I’m now aware of how the past few years have prepared me to mostly take my own health into my own hands and use what my formal training and a lot of new knowledge and all the nature and farming and good food around us has taught me about how to heal and be well. I’m finding myself using my instincts more, and that is such profound freedom. It’s been on my mind lately about how to tell you all more about this.
Amy thank you. I'm having regular conversations with my clients about not expecting or forcing or striving for perfection...and I'm really having to heed my own advice these days. Funny how that happens. I keep repeating...Go gently on yourself, Sarah. And that feels really comforting.
The painful side of the double edged sword...the can do, independently strong girl has a very hard time accepting let alone asking for help when needed. So congratulations to you for recognizing and implementing your tools to course correct - just when you seem to have needed it the most. Funny how that happens isnt it? Push to the edge before coming back to center. You continue to do the hard work well! The health issues are hard (I think especially when you are so young!) but you have already seen positive outcomes. Again, job well done - and you know you can do this. Lots of good energy being sent your way. xoxo
Michelle this is so beautifully and keenly worded - thank you thank you thank you I've read this a few times over since you shared it. I so appreciate your insight.
Like you wrote in the note that someone said I didn’t know you were feeling this way. It is good that you were truly honest with your friends. I have lived in Mass my whole life and I am so done with the winter. I wonder if you are there too?
I am so sorry that you have been in so much pain lately and that you've been going through so many struggles. Thank you for sharing your insight with us and for being vulnerable during these difficult times. It seems like we never really know when others need to hear how real, honest, vulnerable, and open we are so that they can process all the things that they are going through too, to feel like there is solidarity in the humanness of it all.
You are not alone!
I hope that you start to feel better soon, and that your moments of quiet (and snowy!) reflection bring you peace.
I was anxious…..and excited…..to read this week’s Farm Note…..believing that God was hearing and answering all the prayers being lifted up on your behalf! He has never failed us and He never will!!!! Continued prayers for your continued healing!!!!! Looking forward to the spring and summer that is just around the corner!!!!! 🙏🏻
I'm so glad to hear by expressing your concerns and issues last week that you've found some solice for the pain and mental anguish that you thought you were alone in dealing with. I will speak for everyone when I say we are ALL here for you in whatever ways we can be of assistance.
You are an amazing person who helped me when you were at Dover and showed me in subtle ways how I could improve myself which has paid huge dividends in my life since. Being a single father 2 weeks per month to my amazing daughter has been filled with ups/downs but realizing I can only do my best and learn from my mistakes I've become a proud father. I owe you for that!!
Bill this is just so lovely to hear—thank you for sharing this with me. Dover felt the most like home because of the people. Would love to see you both up here sometime in horse country. You take care of yourself and the two of you and please know this meant a great deal to me. Thank you.
WTG on taking care of yourself. I was wondering if a storm came your way as it did for us near Philly. Going through it a bit over here ourselves as my husband has been trying to find employment since a summertime layoff & recently received a scam job offer from people who hacked a real company’s social media. I’m trying to take care of myself too in spite of the stress. It can be overwhelming but know of our prayers and let the cats help with the stress (and put some of them to work, they can dust and do laundry, right? LOL!)
Kate I’m very sorry to hear this! That’s a whole lot of stress for both of you and I’m hoping things get sorted out soon and the right opportunity comes along for him—hopefully something better than you both expected. Haha if only we could get the crew to pick up my slack!!! That’d be something!
Sarah, you are doing the toughest work - not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. Bravo! I had been thinking a lot about your previous FN and, with your help, I found myself being more forgiving of myself in the past week. My best friend of 40 years who serendipitously lived just a few blocks north of me died instantly after an accidental fall in early January. The grief has wrecked me emotionally and physically - the latter I have never experienced before. As days and now weeks have passed, I find myself with ‘grief guilt’ - why am I still struggling and hurting so much when others tell me they have turned corners and are focusing only on happy times now. With the support of your words, I am finding time to feel all the feels even if that means curling up in a fetal position and sobbing for awhile. And I’m finding that some of those feels are joyful with a memory when a song comes on the radio or an unexpected scent that transports me back to my days with her. You’ve shared that the only way to heal is by going through it as much as we’d both like to skirt around the edges some days. Thank you for helping me find strength when I need it the most and know that you have an army cheering you on from all around the globe. Including me sending prayers of healing your way from Seattle. 💛
Dear Julia, my deepest condolences to you at the loss of your best friend. You poor thing you must be just totally devastated. Something a friend told me when I lost my dad was that grief comes in waves and that if you don't allow yourself to feel it as it's happening it can't move through you. I've carried that with me all the years he's been gone and it still helps me even today. You didn't ask me for advice but I guess if I could offer you anything it'd be that you go easy on yourself and allow it to take as long as it takes...there's no time limit and no expectation...only those you place on yourself. What if I told you that you'll miss your friend forever, and that that is perfectly ok. It means you knew great friendship, great love...and that is one of the most precious things about life. It'd stand to reason it'd take you a while to grieve her loss. Thank you for your kind words to me and for sharing what you're going through. I'm wishing you comfort and peace as you mourn her passing.
Hi Sarah. I have been thinking about you and what you are going through and send my love and support. I often think about how unfair it is that so many wonderful and truly good people sometimes face challenges, tribulations and suffering that they don’t deserve. I know that with time, your body will heal and you will become even more wise than you already are. Take all the time you need for yourself and a break from social media. Know that we all support you. Your goodness and kindness are a gift. Thank you for sharing with us. ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Renee - thank you for such kind, thoughtful, and sweet words. Even through all of this I keep telling myself I am so grateful that I found out now...I am so glad I knew about my thyroid before it got worse. I am so incredibly grateful I'm dealing with bulging discs and not fully herniated discs...I am grateful I have the ability right now to seek care and grateful for my background in nutrition and wellness to sort through all the information and overwhelm. None of it has been easy, but it has given me a different, more compassionate, and changing perspective that I'll continue practicing in my own life and am very much thinking about how I'll implement in my coaching practice. But first...I'll do my best to sort through what I need to take care of for me, exactly as I'd coach others to do.
I've got some ongoing health issues happening. Very few know about it because they are "friends" with family members who have told me I am no longer a part of "their" family. And truly, that makes me happy. WAAAAYYYY less drama. BUT! I don't need people who are still in their lives going to them about me behind my back. Because in their eyes, if I'd just lose weight, be "quieter", stop looking for attention, the list goes on, I would be "fine." No. I would not. One of my issues is a genetic condition that came down on my dad's side that I was BORN with and just found out about 3 years ago. No way I'm gonna lose that. Another is recent, cause by a fall a couple of years ago. I'm in constant pain with it and am going to call my specialist tomorrow and see if I can get in before my scheduled appt next month because it. hurts. all. the. time. Even wakes my up at night when I turn over wrong.
So I get it. There are things we can control and there are things we can't. We have to do the best we can do and let the chips fall where they may. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you, Sarah. Chin up, girl! We got this!!
Sue - sounds like you're experiencing a lot of hard and hurtful relational things right now, and that can surely take a heavy toll in addition to navigating health issues. I hope you can find some relief for your pain and are able to get that appointment sooner rather than later. Chronic pain is no joke and it takes absolutely everything out of you. Go easy on yourself and as you said--chin up! Brighter days ahead.
Bless you as you continue to navigate your way through this journey through unknown territory. Holding you in my heart, now and always. May you continue to take small steps forward.🙏❤️
I do believe we're never given more than we can handle, but it doesn't mean I don't look around and ask, "Are you sure?! Because this is kind of feeling like the max of what I can handleee!" Thank you for this, Jan.
Good morning, Sarah. You sound like you’re in a healthier frame of mind. You have a plan & you will stick with that plan. That’s who you are.
Patience is never easy… 😌 Just know, we are all here to listen & possibly suggest a few things out of love & respect. You are on the right road. Sending you a huge hug! Spring is on its way!! 🌺🌷🌹🌼🌸🌻 Kiss the boys for me! 😘😘 & give the kitties some belly rubs too! 🫶🏼
Thank you Brenda. My goal is that in six months my autoimmune thyroid marker is close to or at zero. (all my other thyroid numbers have turned normal after working on this for a year!). I'm accomplishing this through nutrition and supplementation.
My other goal is that I can convince my docs to do another MRI in six months and that my bulging discs (4 of them in the thoracic spine...yikes) all heal normally. I am in PT for the next few months working with a wonderful specialist and Chris and I (fun fact, when I became a personal trainer back in 2014 Chris got his certification just a few months later so we're both coaches!) put together a strength program to do alongside my PT.
As for work...I'm on this current contract until May and between now and then I'm deciding and planning for what's next. The opportunities and possibilities are exciting.
Its the hardest thing to admit to others that you are struggling. True friends will remain with you to support you in your darkest days. The others - being blunt - you are better off without them. The last month has shown me who is truly worth having in my life - so I am speaking from experience. Its hard and i have days when i just want to huddle under the covers - but things do get better. You are a strong person - and it will get better - but do be kind to yourself.
Thank you Maggie and I get you - I'm sorry you're experiencing that shift in relationships...I think a lot of people can relate and certainly it's not easy. In a way I'm grateful for how hard everything has been. Thankfully, I can and will heal, but it was like a wakeup call in a lot of ways to pay better attention to myself and make some changes to my health and lifestyle. As for the work stuff...well, that'll just all get sorted out when it gets sorted and I don't have to be in a rush. Hugs to you.
I’m sorry you are going through all this. I get it. Probably a lot of not most people get it. And I don’t know what else to do but keep going on. I spend a lot of moments just saying “X thing isn’t happening RIGHT NOW so just let it go.” Especially because it’s always something I have zero control over but will be pretty devastating. What else can we do?
Thank you Karen...we really do have to do a lot of talking to ourselves, don't we? Always nudging ourselves along to keep on keeping on.
Such profound words, Sarah. Your thoughts and actions remind me of the Serenity Prayer, you know the one…”God (or Universe), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You’ve been surrendering the things out of your control, harnessing your wisdom to address the things you can, and finding some serenity as a result. Brava. (And more hugs)
Thank you Valerie. It’s difficult to explain without a lot of backstory and context and maybe at some point I’ll share all that somewhere, but I’m now aware of how the past few years have prepared me to mostly take my own health into my own hands and use what my formal training and a lot of new knowledge and all the nature and farming and good food around us has taught me about how to heal and be well. I’m finding myself using my instincts more, and that is such profound freedom. It’s been on my mind lately about how to tell you all more about this.
You’re amazing! Hang in there. Just one day at a time is all we can do. Praying for healing for you!! ❤️🩹🙏🏻
Amy thank you. I'm having regular conversations with my clients about not expecting or forcing or striving for perfection...and I'm really having to heed my own advice these days. Funny how that happens. I keep repeating...Go gently on yourself, Sarah. And that feels really comforting.
It’s not easy dealing with hashi. I’ve had it for years. I’m tired all the time!! ❤️
The painful side of the double edged sword...the can do, independently strong girl has a very hard time accepting let alone asking for help when needed. So congratulations to you for recognizing and implementing your tools to course correct - just when you seem to have needed it the most. Funny how that happens isnt it? Push to the edge before coming back to center. You continue to do the hard work well! The health issues are hard (I think especially when you are so young!) but you have already seen positive outcomes. Again, job well done - and you know you can do this. Lots of good energy being sent your way. xoxo
Michelle this is so beautifully and keenly worded - thank you thank you thank you I've read this a few times over since you shared it. I so appreciate your insight.
Like you wrote in the note that someone said I didn’t know you were feeling this way. It is good that you were truly honest with your friends. I have lived in Mass my whole life and I am so done with the winter. I wonder if you are there too?
I am so sorry that you have been in so much pain lately and that you've been going through so many struggles. Thank you for sharing your insight with us and for being vulnerable during these difficult times. It seems like we never really know when others need to hear how real, honest, vulnerable, and open we are so that they can process all the things that they are going through too, to feel like there is solidarity in the humanness of it all.
You are not alone!
I hope that you start to feel better soon, and that your moments of quiet (and snowy!) reflection bring you peace.
I was anxious…..and excited…..to read this week’s Farm Note…..believing that God was hearing and answering all the prayers being lifted up on your behalf! He has never failed us and He never will!!!! Continued prayers for your continued healing!!!!! Looking forward to the spring and summer that is just around the corner!!!!! 🙏🏻
Thank you Robin this is such a beautiful message. Amen.
Sarah,
I'm so glad to hear by expressing your concerns and issues last week that you've found some solice for the pain and mental anguish that you thought you were alone in dealing with. I will speak for everyone when I say we are ALL here for you in whatever ways we can be of assistance.
You are an amazing person who helped me when you were at Dover and showed me in subtle ways how I could improve myself which has paid huge dividends in my life since. Being a single father 2 weeks per month to my amazing daughter has been filled with ups/downs but realizing I can only do my best and learn from my mistakes I've become a proud father. I owe you for that!!
Always here for you if you need to chat!!
Bill
Bill this is just so lovely to hear—thank you for sharing this with me. Dover felt the most like home because of the people. Would love to see you both up here sometime in horse country. You take care of yourself and the two of you and please know this meant a great deal to me. Thank you.
WTG on taking care of yourself. I was wondering if a storm came your way as it did for us near Philly. Going through it a bit over here ourselves as my husband has been trying to find employment since a summertime layoff & recently received a scam job offer from people who hacked a real company’s social media. I’m trying to take care of myself too in spite of the stress. It can be overwhelming but know of our prayers and let the cats help with the stress (and put some of them to work, they can dust and do laundry, right? LOL!)
Kate I’m very sorry to hear this! That’s a whole lot of stress for both of you and I’m hoping things get sorted out soon and the right opportunity comes along for him—hopefully something better than you both expected. Haha if only we could get the crew to pick up my slack!!! That’d be something!
Thanks Sarah—he’s starting something new on Monday. It’s a big change but we hope a good one
Sarah, you are doing the toughest work - not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. Bravo! I had been thinking a lot about your previous FN and, with your help, I found myself being more forgiving of myself in the past week. My best friend of 40 years who serendipitously lived just a few blocks north of me died instantly after an accidental fall in early January. The grief has wrecked me emotionally and physically - the latter I have never experienced before. As days and now weeks have passed, I find myself with ‘grief guilt’ - why am I still struggling and hurting so much when others tell me they have turned corners and are focusing only on happy times now. With the support of your words, I am finding time to feel all the feels even if that means curling up in a fetal position and sobbing for awhile. And I’m finding that some of those feels are joyful with a memory when a song comes on the radio or an unexpected scent that transports me back to my days with her. You’ve shared that the only way to heal is by going through it as much as we’d both like to skirt around the edges some days. Thank you for helping me find strength when I need it the most and know that you have an army cheering you on from all around the globe. Including me sending prayers of healing your way from Seattle. 💛
Dear Julia, my deepest condolences to you at the loss of your best friend. You poor thing you must be just totally devastated. Something a friend told me when I lost my dad was that grief comes in waves and that if you don't allow yourself to feel it as it's happening it can't move through you. I've carried that with me all the years he's been gone and it still helps me even today. You didn't ask me for advice but I guess if I could offer you anything it'd be that you go easy on yourself and allow it to take as long as it takes...there's no time limit and no expectation...only those you place on yourself. What if I told you that you'll miss your friend forever, and that that is perfectly ok. It means you knew great friendship, great love...and that is one of the most precious things about life. It'd stand to reason it'd take you a while to grieve her loss. Thank you for your kind words to me and for sharing what you're going through. I'm wishing you comfort and peace as you mourn her passing.
Hi Sarah. I have been thinking about you and what you are going through and send my love and support. I often think about how unfair it is that so many wonderful and truly good people sometimes face challenges, tribulations and suffering that they don’t deserve. I know that with time, your body will heal and you will become even more wise than you already are. Take all the time you need for yourself and a break from social media. Know that we all support you. Your goodness and kindness are a gift. Thank you for sharing with us. ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Renee - thank you for such kind, thoughtful, and sweet words. Even through all of this I keep telling myself I am so grateful that I found out now...I am so glad I knew about my thyroid before it got worse. I am so incredibly grateful I'm dealing with bulging discs and not fully herniated discs...I am grateful I have the ability right now to seek care and grateful for my background in nutrition and wellness to sort through all the information and overwhelm. None of it has been easy, but it has given me a different, more compassionate, and changing perspective that I'll continue practicing in my own life and am very much thinking about how I'll implement in my coaching practice. But first...I'll do my best to sort through what I need to take care of for me, exactly as I'd coach others to do.
I've got some ongoing health issues happening. Very few know about it because they are "friends" with family members who have told me I am no longer a part of "their" family. And truly, that makes me happy. WAAAAYYYY less drama. BUT! I don't need people who are still in their lives going to them about me behind my back. Because in their eyes, if I'd just lose weight, be "quieter", stop looking for attention, the list goes on, I would be "fine." No. I would not. One of my issues is a genetic condition that came down on my dad's side that I was BORN with and just found out about 3 years ago. No way I'm gonna lose that. Another is recent, cause by a fall a couple of years ago. I'm in constant pain with it and am going to call my specialist tomorrow and see if I can get in before my scheduled appt next month because it. hurts. all. the. time. Even wakes my up at night when I turn over wrong.
So I get it. There are things we can control and there are things we can't. We have to do the best we can do and let the chips fall where they may. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you, Sarah. Chin up, girl! We got this!!
Sue - sounds like you're experiencing a lot of hard and hurtful relational things right now, and that can surely take a heavy toll in addition to navigating health issues. I hope you can find some relief for your pain and are able to get that appointment sooner rather than later. Chronic pain is no joke and it takes absolutely everything out of you. Go easy on yourself and as you said--chin up! Brighter days ahead.
Bless you as you continue to navigate your way through this journey through unknown territory. Holding you in my heart, now and always. May you continue to take small steps forward.🙏❤️
I do believe we're never given more than we can handle, but it doesn't mean I don't look around and ask, "Are you sure?! Because this is kind of feeling like the max of what I can handleee!" Thank you for this, Jan.
Good morning, Sarah. You sound like you’re in a healthier frame of mind. You have a plan & you will stick with that plan. That’s who you are.
Patience is never easy… 😌 Just know, we are all here to listen & possibly suggest a few things out of love & respect. You are on the right road. Sending you a huge hug! Spring is on its way!! 🌺🌷🌹🌼🌸🌻 Kiss the boys for me! 😘😘 & give the kitties some belly rubs too! 🫶🏼
Thank you Brenda. My goal is that in six months my autoimmune thyroid marker is close to or at zero. (all my other thyroid numbers have turned normal after working on this for a year!). I'm accomplishing this through nutrition and supplementation.
My other goal is that I can convince my docs to do another MRI in six months and that my bulging discs (4 of them in the thoracic spine...yikes) all heal normally. I am in PT for the next few months working with a wonderful specialist and Chris and I (fun fact, when I became a personal trainer back in 2014 Chris got his certification just a few months later so we're both coaches!) put together a strength program to do alongside my PT.
As for work...I'm on this current contract until May and between now and then I'm deciding and planning for what's next. The opportunities and possibilities are exciting.
Thanks for the pick me up!
Just know I am thinking about you Sarah 🤗🧡
I feel this. Thank you. 🙏
Its the hardest thing to admit to others that you are struggling. True friends will remain with you to support you in your darkest days. The others - being blunt - you are better off without them. The last month has shown me who is truly worth having in my life - so I am speaking from experience. Its hard and i have days when i just want to huddle under the covers - but things do get better. You are a strong person - and it will get better - but do be kind to yourself.
Thank you Maggie and I get you - I'm sorry you're experiencing that shift in relationships...I think a lot of people can relate and certainly it's not easy. In a way I'm grateful for how hard everything has been. Thankfully, I can and will heal, but it was like a wakeup call in a lot of ways to pay better attention to myself and make some changes to my health and lifestyle. As for the work stuff...well, that'll just all get sorted out when it gets sorted and I don't have to be in a rush. Hugs to you.